it all makes sense.

You can connect the dots.

You understand why certain things happened.  

And you would have it no other way.

Only in retrospect.

But does it have to be this way?

Couldn’t you simply appreciate this moment though you didn’t understand it? 

I used to hurry through life.

Ever desiring to fast-forward and skip to the good parts.

I wanted to be 16, then 18, then 21.

Always on the run for the next meal, next person, next break, next vacation, next semester, next year, next opportunity, next job. 

In desperation for next … I lost the present.  

Always groping but never finding.

But this semester I found it, by God’s grace.

For what seems to be the first time in a long time, I was content, where I was, who I was with, and with my present and current circumstances.

I was fully in the present - relishing and treasuring everything and everyone in my life.  

I was going sleepless, with tons of assignments, projects, events, work while trying to graduate with a newborn baby.  

In times before, I would’ve wished myself out of the present condition - and would’ve hurried through everything that was going on.  

But this time it was different.  I wanted to fully taste, experience and see where I was, who I was with and what I was going through.  

And now that the semester’s over, with graduation around the corner with a 40-day-old baby Enoch - I praise God for the contentment in my heart and the serenity in my soul.  

And no longer do I need a “retrospect” to understand what happened - I fully gained understanding by choosing to live in the present.  

It’s been awhile.  

Amidst flurry of activities, trips, events, studies and prep for the even more hectic, busy, sleepless days that lie ahead (due to the soon arrival of my son) … I had lost all track of time.

At this rate, it just seems like I might lose all sense of time and after 3 years of life gone by - I would look back and ask myself, what on earth have I been doing for the last 3 years of my life?

There is definitely a greater need for me to just stop … reflect and recap.  Sort out and make sense of the overloaded schedule and activities that crushes the spirit out of my soul day after day.  

Where am I headed?  What am I after?  What kind of person am I becoming?  Am I being led by God?  

The ever annoying and incessant attempts of lure and temptation presents itself to my ever vulnerable soul.  

The enticement to lose myself, keep myself busy and occupy my mind with whatever I see fit.  To choose restlessness and thoughtlessness over contemplation and prayer.  

The Spirit leads and prompts me to be still before Him … through His Word.  The book of Matthew open before me.  Jesus, in tune with His heavenly Father … never hurries or fills his life with His agenda or His desires.  

He simply submits ALL … in the presence of His heavenly Father.  He daily picks up His cross and follows the voice of His heavenly Father.

He takes time to pray, touch, listen, heal, meet, eat, cleanse, forgive, revive, resurrect and restore.  

Every moment and every encounter is specified by the iCal of heaven.  

He seems far more interested in being present than being productive.  

He doesn’t try to achieve - rather He simply obeys and follows.  

He takes time to care. love and have compassion.  His ultimate agenda is love and to give Himself to those who need Him.  

In that moment of stillness, while the fresh dew of His Spirit falls upon my silent and yet attentive heart … Jesus bids me … to follow Him.  

So where am I headed and what am I after?  

Time with Jesus.  Period.