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If sex & the hookup-culture is all about freedom, self-fulfillment, and personal choice why do young people feel pressured into this ‘new cultural norm’ because chastity is supposedly ‘outdated’ aka ‘old skool’ & no longer ‘relevant’?
Why do young people feel exhausted, spent, and emptied by continual encounters that leave them unfulfilled?
”When are we happier?
When we’re free? Or when we’re committed?
When we’re footloose? Or when we’re firmly rooted?
Many in the “18-to-30-year-old” bracket take on a view that goes something like this:
Freedom is all about endless spontaneous and exciting diversions you can take whenever and however and whomever you want. You can travel the world, try new things, casually have sex with absolute freedom and live the “life”. You don’t have to get stuck in a “middle-aged drudgery” - going to work at the same job and home to the same wife - shackled and chained to the same o’ same o’ experience 24/7, 365 days a week.
However, when you’re living it up with endless parties, bars, cafes, clubs, friends, tribes, hook-ups and jumping from one gig & event to the next … and from one night to another night … and from one relationship to another … and from one job to another …
You’re missing out on loving, deep, committed family relationship and stable bonds - old friends over for dinner, watching the kids grow up and making consistent impact and difference in your town and community.
The contrast that you need to open your eyes to is this:
Do you want to waste your life to a life of shallow fripperies - zipless sex, vacuous possessions, showy luxuries and yet sad & lonely existence?
Or do you want to commit your life to deep committed relationships with your family and people in your community?
The sort of illusory, peripatetic and freewheeling life that seems on the surface - free & full of pleasure - is only an illusion.
For the last 40 years, America has celebrated expressive individualism, self-fulfillment, and personal liberation. But now more than ever, America finally feels the desperate need for more community, connection and interdependence.
It is only when we overcome the fear of commitment - and freely and voluntarily commit to someone other than ourselves - happiness, meaning and fulfillment freely flows into deep chambers of our souls.
I’ve been married for 6 years and now have a son.
I’m the happiest man alive. :)
True Story.
There’s an interesting phenomenon we observe in our journey through life especially as a 20-Something.
And here’s the truth you need to remember as a 20-Something Leader.
You can intend to go to Chicago all you want, but if you car is directed & headed toward Detroit, chances are, you won’t end up in Chicago.
The problem with our intention is that it doesn’t last. Our endless planning and to-do-lists end up in a pile of junk and after awhile we find ourselves making new plans and new to-do-lists and - - - on goes our 20-Something Life.
Always ever in a pursuit to do something, - rather than doing them.
Isn’t it ironic that we spend most of our 20-Something life planning to do stuff that we never end up doing?
What would happen if stopped planning and started doing them? And made habits instead of plans.
Here’s the cool thing about making habits. The only way they are made is by doing something constantly and consistently.
There’s something called a “Keystone Habit” that you can make - which gives you a forward and positive momentum to create more awesome and amazing habits.
For example, my personal “Keystone Habit” is running. If I run consistently, here’s what happens.
If I don’t run:
Instead of trying to & planning to “eat right” or “sleep earlier” or “be productive” - I Simply Run.
I’m intensely focused on this Keystone Habit because it creates a forward & positive momentum that empowers me to make great decisions and helps me do them. It frees me to do what I actually intend to do.
I don’t try to quit my addictions. Instead, I crowd my life with great habits that naturally I forget to indulge in my addictions. Instead of trying or planning - I simply create and constantly work on that one “Keystone Habit” that drives me forward.
According to Jesus, the only way to “stopping sinning” is to “Go! and make disciples”.
The only way to be the Best You God wants you to be is to stop working on your weaknesses but to work on your strengths!
And the only way you can quit the stuff that you’re addicted is to freely admit that you have a problem and seek for help. The tragedy with Dr. Samuel Pipim is that he had a secret struggle that he couldn’t tell anyone. And for awhile, he lasted. But eventually, his secret sin caught up with him.
Never ever hide or pretend that you’re not struggling. Deep down all of us know that you are struggling. And we are all in this together. Your secret sin, the sin you believe that no one should know about, is just about as old as this world. Ever since the Fall, God has seen everything under the sun. He knows what you’re going through. And He doesn’t condemn you. He simply invites you into a relationship with Him and desires that you find that one spiritual keystone habit which will drive you forward in your relationship with Him and crowd out the former addictions that had its way with you.
Ever wonder why you are the way you are.
There’s a deeper reason for your anxiety, fear, doubt, addiction, obsession, craving, skepticism and mistrust.
Deeper issues that you have been avoiding and running from.
The truth is:
You eat, drink, play games, get into sports, get addicted to stuff, stuff yourself with food, blast music in your ears, workout endlessly, for a reason you haven’t figured out yet.
Isn’t that scary?
It’s like you think you’re living your life … but you’re not.
There’s something far more deeper in your being that is driving you to live the life that you’re living right now.
There’s an interesting verse in the Bible that describes this phenomenon.
She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not. (Prov. 5:6)
At the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are spent. (Prov. 5:11)
The Goal of life is Life! More life! Real Life!
No one told us, but from the very beginning we somehow “knew” that there’s more to life than this.
And for some odd reason, we have been endlessly vehemently protesting against ‘no life’. We just couldn’t settle with ‘no life’.
We needed to have life, and have it more abundantly.
We refuse to be bored out of our minds. Boredom is something we violently fight against with everything we’ve got. We can be everything except bored.
We need to do something. Be somewhere.
Live. Enjoy. Explore. Achieve. Succeed.
And the last thing we want to be is boring. We want to be interesting. Be the person who brings Life! The person who brings pleasure, enjoyment, inspiration motivation!
We endlessly practice everything from mama jokes to imitations (voice, moves, drama) to somehow bring laughter, joy, amusement and maybe Life to this world.
But, how did we come to covet and crave so much of this thing called Life?
Who told us this is what we wanted and desperately needed?
Our souls.
Listen to your soul.
What your soul craves isn’t just another date, drink or drama.
And your soul craving definitely won’t be satisfied through any amount of time spent on facebook, youtube or tumblr. Nor will it be ever satisfied with your time spent in front of your TV.
It will only fully quench its thirst when it’s meets LIFE!
You see, contrary to what many believe, Life isn’t a concept or a game.
Rather it’s a Person!
Not only is Jesus “The Life” (John 14:6), “in Him is The Life” (John 1:4) you have been and will always be craving for.
But the tragedy in our day, as it was in the days of Jesus is that we “refuse to go to Him for Life” (John 5:40).
So, we do just about everything to quench our thirst for Life except Go to Life Himself.
We’ll buy tickets and make time for just about every gig in town, but won’t take the time to Meet Life!
This simple truth will set you free.
What you want is Life! More Life! Real Life! Continual and Everlasting Life!
And the only place you can find it is in Jesus!
